I’ve always thought Christmas cards to be a bit on the tacky side, especially for those friends, you know the ones, that aren’t so officially official. Actually no, that’s all a lie. Christmas cards are just tacky period. Every one of those perfectly poised and painfully coordinated family photos just make me shudder from the inside out. But who am I? Just give me another 10 years when I have a hoard of my own spawn running around, I’m sure the thought of one moment of perfection captured amid a morning of dedicated chaos could sway me when I’m a broken down old maid. Until then, however, I stand firmly on the notion that the better your Christmas card the less happy you truly are. Why am I discussing Christmas in July you ask (yes, it was still July when I dreamed this little dream up last night, stay with me people)?
I came across this little morsel of holiday shaming whilst enjoying a fabulous glass (or two) of Clos Pegase Sauvignon Blanc (seriously superb, snatch up a bottle or two if you happen come across it). And here is where the light-bulb illuminated late last evening. It struck me before I even clicked the link and the inter web bestowed upon me the true meaning if Christmas, this….. For the next umpteen years David and I will be partaking in the Christmas card tradition. My inspiration?
THIS COLLECTION OF WAL-MART PHOTOS
A wonderfully twisted and unbelievably epic montage of breathtaking family snapshots I found lost on a breadcrumb-like trail in the depths of cyberspace. The only true question worth asking now is what will grace the covers of our glossy cards first? Will it be Uber-pink poodles with a flair for serious cleav? Or will it be a galactic experience for two featuring our feral cat from the mean streets of Baltimore? But then again, what doesn’t scream, “Christ is our savior,” like a shirtless man wielding a sword while his voluptuous nude goddess stands idly by? Oh, woe is me. How shall we ever choose? The possibilities are endless. At least after bearing witness to this extraordinary conglomerate of failures of Christmas cards past I have a new outlook on the matter and something to really look forward to this holiday season. Find a photo that might be a winner for our Epic Christmas Card Spectacular? Send it over and let’s have a look-see. Meanwhile, its way past my bedtime and I’m itching to catch some Z’s. Goodnight my little sugarplum’s, I wish for you sweet dreams of sassy Santa’s and spirited fingers….
Update: What doesn’t say, “sweet dreams,” like stepping in your pug’s butt nuggets right before bed? Don’t ask me because I’ll never know. Thank you Miss Riesling for your bedside gift.